the wild one
My 2025 new year resolution was: getting rid of the ‘good girl’, but reconnect to the ‘wild women’! I’m aware that this is not an easy task, but it’s a beginning of a new journey for which I am planting a seed.
I spent the first 25 years of my life in Switzerland. If you have ever been there, sure you saw the beauty of it. But have you heard the silence - even at the airport? Part of me loves it. But also, when visiting and entering the arrival hall, the silence reminds me of how I grow up as a girl behaving nicely, following the official- and unwritten rules (of which are many in my hometown!), making sure my parents have it easy with me (the pleaser!), making sure my teachers like me, being not too loud, not too dirty, not too rebellious, but a pretty, easy going and super ‘nice’.
Although I left that nice country and am living for quite a while in Portugal, of course I took that ‘good girl’ with me and in many ways I got away with love and recognition I receive from others through being so nice, but I also took with me that feeling of longing for something… something I have inside me, a part of me that I have not allowed to be lived yet. It comes with an acidic feeling of frustration for not living my fullness. But what is it?
In the search for ‘it’ I have been doing a lot of work on myself and I do feel very alive, complete and in my fullness when I dance and when I sing with people, but lately, through my somatic education for women and most of all the shadow work we have been doing, I know that my good girl mask is covering a wild one. I can feel her!
It is the one that is running barefoot in the forest, her hair is wild, her cloths are made out of leather and wool, she’s fast and kind of furious, she runs with her wolfs (in my case my dogs), she smells the earth, her vision is far, her hearing is accurate, she tastes the air, she is 100 % in her body, her breath is in full capacity, she knows no fear or darkness, she’s in her power and … she howls!
It is that howl that is burning inside me right now, ready to be released! I can already feel the liberation in my bones!
She will dance wildly, she will speak radical truth, she no longer will be tamed and she will not care about her smell, her hair or her blood and she can not be shamed.
Step by step… planting the seed, watering the seed, with care, with love and trust. I will never totally get rid of the good girl and that’s fine too. But that wild one hopefully shows up more and more if I allow myself to be in the unknown, dark, less tamed side of the feminine.
Written by Diana (Goddess of hunting, after all) Jost, www.herjourney.pt